Does self-love also mean for you a positive attitude towards yourself, respect for your body, mind, and soul? Or maybe freedom from being judged and from nasty negative thoughts about yourself that lead to self-harm? Or noticing and getting to know yourself? Or following the principle in life that if I am good with myself, others will be even better with me?
For me, self-love is all these things at once.
Unfortunately, some people still say that we should sacrifice ourselves and our love for others. I do not agree with that. Self-love is an ingredient necessary for a happy life of an individual and, therefore, of society.
Please remember that in this article I am only talking about healthy self-love, not egoism or narcissism.
Understanding what it is that we are striving for is a milestone, right? That’s why I decided to make such a long introduction.
Self-acceptance, self-esteem, respect, self-confidence, joy and gratitude are not the same as loving yourself maturely. They help – don’t get me wrong. To love sincerely and deeply, you must develop this habit.
You may be asking why you should have such a powerful feeling for yourself? People talk about it differently. People find reasons. But that would mean that love is conditional. This is not the kind of love I want for you and me. Love yourself for who you are – that’s all.
If this is too much for you at once, you should break it down into smaller pieces to start with. I’ll give you some examples, but that’s not all you can do. Make friends with yourself, get to know yourself on an increasingly deeper level. Practice hygiene of speech and thoughts. Notice, nurture and share the goodness from within. Support yourself first and then others. Turn your weaknesses into advantages. After every fall, get up. Strengthen your intuition. Don’t compare yourself to anyone. Let people go. Physically take care of your body. Know your limits and respect them. Live with purpose.
You already know what you can do, but how to create a habit?
First of all, consciously repeat what you want to consolidate. This repetitive method will provide your brain with a reward. The whole process is much more complicated if you want the change to be faster and permanent. Not everything at once ;).
Based on research, scientists indicate that it takes from 18 to over 250 days to develop a habit. Huge discrepancy, right!?
There are a few simple rules you can use to start learning new habits. I mentioned repetition earlier. The habit should not be longer than 2 minutes to start with. It must be simple and has clearly defined conditions for when it is executed. Get your motivation going. Be prepared for the process to be more difficult than you expect. This will take a long time, so make a good plan. Trust the power of routine and knowledge of psychological effects. Build a support network around you.
Perhaps after reading this article, you feel discouraged. If so, I assure you that getting to know yourself and working on yourself and your habits is like learning to dance or drive a car. At the beginning, there are tedious, repetitive activities, consciously paying attention to the position of your arms and legs, where to look, paying attention to what is happening around you… But after some time, all this will “get into your system”. And you will enjoy powerful self-love, which will attract more and more fulfilment and happiness into your life.
That I wish for you and myself.
Beata