In Poland, Christmas is the most special, family-friendly, and loudest celebrated time of the year. This is our traditional Christian consciousness. It was supported by old-school people, but also by the mass media.
During the pre-Christmas period, we are bombarded with images of a perfect family. A family that comes together with willingness, love, and sincere joy to spend time together. We are told that this is a magical time. For many it is not.
Due to difficult past experiences, a huge number of people choose to spend this time without contact with relatives. Often for their safety and mental health. It is usually not an easy decision, and it is the consequence of a process lasting many years, during which they were rejected countless times, neglected, humiliated, criticized, ridiculed, belittled…
However, if it was not as bad as in the previous paragraph, and you decide to spend the holidays with your family, please remember what you will read below.
Multigenerational family meetings are a space where different values and priorities often meet. Old disputes or conflicts may resurface. There may be tactless questions about marital status, children, or any other topics that you do not want to talk about. Perhaps some people will want to push their political views or other opinions of theirs. If communication in your family is impaired, these may be the causes of conflicts. And we don’t want that during the holidays.
So how can you behave ‘properly’ without being exhausted by the holidays?
Prepare well in advance for this time. And assume in advance that it will be more demanding than you imagine now.
Answer some questions: what is my family like, why do we meet, what is the most difficult thing about Christmas for you, what topics are particularly sensitive, who can be the most problematic, who is the best at relieving negative family emotions, what do you like about your family, what advice or opinions you want to hear and what don’t, how you want the holidays to look like…
The answers will make you realize what you fear the most.
Now you can prepare:
Have realistic expectations. Remind yourself that your family will not change.
Get a good night’s rest before the family meeting. This will increase your patience and tolerance.
Only visit or invite people you really want to meet. You have the right to spend the holidays your own way.
Write calm, firm and kind answers to questions that will be uncomfortable for you.
Decide for yourself which family traditions you want to take part in and which ones you don’t. Prepare your explanation.
Remember this won’t last forever. Good or bad, it will end, and you will be able to rest.
Always remember that you deserve to spend this time nicely, to have time for spiritual and emotional development and rest.
If you need it, prepare with a specialist. You can seek coaching or therapy to build resilience and prepare for different scenarios.
I wish you as happy a holiday as can be.